Dear Janet:

I understand. In the post before  last, you wrote: “I know I sound revengeful.. I cannot help but feel like it’s not fair that someone who has done so much deliberate harm and lives their life without any consequences. Have you ever felt that way about someone/ something?”-

– yes I have, and this is what I learned:

There is no justification for people being mean to others, like this girl has been to you. But having stated this, it is also true that the consequences you think that she will not be suffering in her future- she will be suffering in the context of her intimate relationships with others. Plus, she has already suffered a lot, in her home of origin. What I mean by it, is that children growing up in loving home do not become mean children and adults. She has suffered (and is suffering), and that’s why she became mean. You wrote earlier that her parents spoiled her: maybe they bought her expensive clothes and toys or whatnot, maybe they spent money on her and provided her with vacations and such, but they deeply hurt her emotionally.

The key for you is to no longer be, as you put it, goody-goody. Continue to stand up to people who are offensive, and/ or avoid them altogether. Continue to improve your assertiveness skills (there are books and online resources on the matter).

anita