Dear Philippa:

You shared that your boyfriend whose parents went through multiple marriages, is unhappy with his job and the city he lives in. Following a 4-year relationship with him and 8 months of living with him, in which he always seemed enthusiastic about marrying you, you asked him in the past weekend: “Why aren’t we engaged yet?”, and he answered after much thinking, that “he feels we need to work on our relationship”. He told you that he is preparing, in writing, what he plans to discuss with you by the end of a week, predicting it will take “a dedicated 2-3 hour conversation”.

“I thought us getting married was a no-brainer”, you wrote, and this recent development blindsided you, scaring you. You are very emotional and your work is negatively affected.

My thoughts: since he is preparing for the conversation he wants to have with you in a few days or so, you can prepare as well. If you prepare best you can, and put it all in writing, you may have some peace of mind for the rest of the week, knowing you did all you can to prepare.

If you’d like me to try and help you prepare, you are welcome to share more about your boyfriend (without specific details, such as his exact age, job title and the city or country you live in): what is his approximate age, the nature of his dissatisfaction with his job and city, his past and current relationships with his parents and step parents, etc., anything that may be relevant to his current state of mind, as well as the nature of the relationship, particularly have there been arguments and fights between the two of you?

anita