Dear Lena:

I am sorry, what a shame. You had great hopes and your hopes were dashed. I can almost feel your pain. When I read that you betrayed his trust and looked through his computer record, I thought of it as you doing something terrible. When I read what you found out, looking at his record, I figure it was a good thing, after all, that you did what you did. You found out something about him that you were not aware of, at least not adequately, in the ten months you dated him. If you didn’t look into his records, you would have remained unaware, maybe for too long.

Now that you know what you know, you can’t un-know it. I was going to re-read your previous thread of September 2019, but there is no need, in term of understanding your current situation: his behavior during his transgressions with his graduate students and his reactions to you confronting him with  the information, leave no room for any other interpretation than his character being deeply flawed, too flawed to make trust in him possible. And without trust, in the context of an intimate relationship, you have nothing to look forward to except for pain.

anita