Dear llyana:

“When asked what his low point of the last two weeks was, a two weeks in which we have almost not talked at all, he said it was getting stuck in traffic on the way to the appointment… for the worst thing about his last two weeks to be traffic when our relationship is in crisis and I am falling apart – it just astonished me”-

– your relationship has been in crisis for about ten years, hasn’t it? –  his answer may have been regarding the worst thing that happened in the last two weeks, as opposed to the worst thing that happened in the last 15 years, let’s say.

“I think we’re too incompatible – I’m way too emotional for him”-

– one emotion you have too much of is anger (“I agree that I have a lot of anger, and I don’t seem to be able to let go of it”). A lot of anger makes close, healthy relationships impossible, be it with a friend, a husband or a child.

wiley. com on destructive anger: “Destructive anger can take many forms. Anger can be expressed in rage that is out of control, either verbally or physically. We also can express anger by snapping at
someone or being unkindly critical. A third form that anger may take is that of cold, icy withdrawal that punishes others by shutting them out, shunning them, or refusing to acknowledge their attempts to relate to us. All of these reactions and many more can be destructive to the relationship and to our own feelings of self-esteem. Destructive expressions of anger often generate later feelings of guilt and shame”-

– I wonder how your anger is being expressed.. (?)

anita