At this same stage in my almost 20 year marriage i needed non judgemental support.

Is the relationship often based on his views which do not honor your feelings? This alone, before ‘humiliation’, is a betrayal of the relationship and of your heart. Be careful with your heart, your peace and also precious and irretrevable is your time. How much more of these things do I give away after betrayal?  Be really honest with yourself. And with him for that matter. I listened to all the promises. I stayed a long time. My deepest regret is not claiming reality sooner. The truth is he couldnt see/hear me. I see now he actually liked the dominance and the games. So he can stay ‘as is’ if he chooses to, but I dont have to stay miserable waiting and hoping for a fantasy. Have hard requirements. It makes both of you better. For me 20 years is a long time to then hit the reset button and start again. But its been so worth it. Wishing you so much better for your future. Choose that. Choose to value you. If you need support to get there dont be afraid to reach out for it.