Dear anita

thanks for reading my long post

1_ I have not been with this man for the last three years. We were only together for a  year and lived together for about the last 4 months of that first year. After the separation, our relationship became long distance.

2_ yes and no. The reason for my decesion is also becues of  job oppertunities. I can not work in my field in my hometown. It was hard for us to separate at the time and we both promised to try to get close.

My feelings are very complicated. Something between love and not loving. I feel like a stupid person who needs to be told what to do about it because I no longer trust my feelings. I do not understand how I got from feeling in love to being like this and whether this feeling is due to distance or whether I am creating problems  in my head or not. Whether I will still feel this way when I get to see him or not, I do not know. When he says that he loves me I say I love him too but I feel guilty for not knowing the truth about whether it’s true or not. I know that if he finds out about these thoughts, he will be very disappointed and heartbroken.

He was very supportive to me and did everything for my well-being when I was deeply depressed. I know he cares about his loved ones more than himself and he does not deserve what I think about him.

3_ Yes. My friends are people who have met him and they know him since collage and some are living in his part of the country

But I know its not like they know him better than me …