Dear Anita

Thank you for your advice. The problem is I see this behavior of him with other people too, which makes me believe that maybe the issue is not just with me.
His relationship with his mother is strange. They seem to criticize each other the whole time. He constantly fixes stuff in her home or gives unasked advice. His mom seems very defensive. She brought her car to be repaired in a service, although my boyfriend enjoys repairing cars. This made him very upset, but I do understand her. I always hide stuff from him. An example: the drain in the kitchen got clogged. The last time it got clogged we had a huge fight, because he started lecturing me about how I don’t use enough water to wash the dishes. Of course it is just my fault, because he never washes the dishes. Like, not a single time since we live together. But I think I do my share and try not to clog the drain. But it happens, it is an old house and the neighbors complain of the issue too. So after half an year the drain was clogged again. I panicked and tried to fix it alone not so much because of the drain but in fear of his critique when he comes back. I really get very anxious telling him stuff like that.
I hide how much a particular thing costed, even if if I bought it with my money. I even started hiding a job I do two days a month, because he won’t like it.
And I see the same with his mom. She avoids asking for his help, keeps him in distance, doesn’t share her emotional issues and vents about him to me.
Another situation: a cousin and good friend of him has depression. He lectured her about half an hour or longer how she hast to cycle to work and this will help her depression. She says she doesn’t enjoy cycling in a big city because she is afraid of the traffic. Then he continues a loud monologue about how good cycling is, how she should stand against her fears. He means good, but I just looked at his cousin there, sitting, feeing extremely uncomfortable and small and not saying a word anymore. I think he made her feel a lot worse. It was not a conversation but him lecturing her for a long time in front of me.
I noticed his cousin felt a lot better spending time with me. We cooked together, went exploring the city, talked. I think she felt accepted and comfortable. And I believe this is what makes people gain strength and push themselves, knowing that someone’s likes them as they are, you are more comfortable to grow as under criticism.

I tried communicating how his critique feels to me. He answered that he is trying and he doesn’t even say half of the things that bother him. If this is his trying I don’t feel good about it.
It lead to the next problem and the same I had in the previous relationship. When I share my fears and emotional burdens with a man, he starts trying to fix me. The relationship gets a parent-child dynamic. How do I solve this problem in relationships? I don’t want to be fixed. I want to be accepted, to have a base, that let’s me grow.
I don’t believe my issues are so unique, every person has some baggage.