Dear Anita,

Thank you very much for your response.

the way I understand this is that as a child you received very little emotional care, hardly any.

Yes, my mom and dad had their own problems. My dad didnt really existed for me, I dont remember nothing about him. He was at home but extremely passive never cared for me. And mom was depressed and neurotic. Always yelling at me, beating me and locking me to the cold and dark bathroom.

Also, when you were a child, I imagine that you felt suffocated at home and wanted out, didn’t you?

I hated my home, wanted to leave it every day. Was not able to, so I was never leaving my bedroom. At least I was safer that way. I always wanted someone to save me, just take me by hand and get me out of here. I had daydreams about this saviour significant other every day. He never came, but I became my own saviour and left my home when I was able to.  I tried living with roomies but I get suffocated as well. So I am living by myself, I got a cat though. ( I love him and he is like a child to me, he is my everything. However sometimes he makes the suffocation feeling too)

you felt lonely at home with your family, growing up, didn’t you?

I had lots of friends, lovely grandparents and a great aunt and an uncle. But they were not living with us and their feelings are not the same as parents. I still cry when I see advertisements of “mothers’ day” and “fathers’ day” where the kids have loving families. I love socializing with people but I am extremely independent and a loner inside. I never trust anyone truly, never ask anyone for help, I only share problems if I already overcome them. Always paranoid that I am going to love/like a friend/a SO and they will just disappoint me.

limerence is the daydreaming of the lonely child, stuck in an unhappy home, daydreaming of a different kind of home: a happy, loving home.

Yep this is me. Wanted to have a different family or wished I didnt even have a family at all. Better to have none then getting disappointed.

express and process your childhood experience of living in an unhappy home with too little emotional care: this is the birthplace of the craving that drives limerence

Thank you for this, I will do some thinking on this. I tried couple of times over the past years but I was so emotional that I didnt go deep in, I will try again maybe this time is the right time.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Ates.