Dear Emily:

Saying that a person  has “bad energy” means that being around that person is depressing. I don’t use that term, but this is what I think that people mean when they used this term. My sister used another term in regard to me, “heavy” was the word she used, meaning it was depressing for her to be around me.

“Is it because I talk about my problems with them that I haven’t found solutions to , or maybe they can feel when I’m in a bad mood?“- depends on who you talk to about your problems: some people have little empathy and little patience, so for them if you just talk a bit about your problems, it’s too much for them, and they get bored or depressed.  Other people with more empathy and patience, and who are curious about you, will want to hear more about your problems, and will ask you questions so that you tell them more.

“When someone hurt me or I’m going thru difficult situations that I have to get thru on my own I shut out people who hurt me or can’t help me“- it is natural and understandable to shut out people who hurt you. We all need people to help us to go through difficult situations. Things is, we need the right kind of people: those who have empathy and patience for us, and who are curious to know more about who we are. People who are unempathetic and impatient and who are not curious about us- can’t or won’t help us.

“Growing up people ignored me but it only hurt when my  family or men I dated did“- it hurts to be ignored. I very much know this hurt myself.

“Singer explains that by closing our hearts because of disappointment, or the trauma of past events, we close ourselves to the flow of energy through us, indeed the flow of life itself…. The flow of energy is blocked“- what this means to me is that the  anxiety (this ongoing discomfort, unease, worry), ongoing anger and depression that result from trauma of childhood/ past events are conditions block us from feeling pleasure, joy, trust (in those who are trustworthy), affection, etc.

“How do I keep my heart open“?- The more you express how you feel about the traumatic events that happened to you: in writing (journaling), in drawings/art, in talking about it to empathetic, patient and curious people, and/or  in typing it here, on your thread- the more of an opportunity you are giving yourself to lessen the conditions (anxiety, ongoing anger, and/ or depression) that are blocking your experience of occasional joy, trust, affection, etc.

“I have a sibling from my father and a few weeks ago she said that my lips were getting black and my voice was getting deep from smoking I was hurt bcuz I talked to her in the past about my struggles with quitting  and that it was a bad habit that I picked up. So I hung the phone and she called me back laughing I did not think it was funny“- no, it is not funny. Like I said, we need people who are empathetic in our lives, not people who think that our hurt is funny!

anita