Dear Dave:

I don’t want to interrupt the conversation you are having, but I have something to say that maybe, just maybe, will make a positive difference in your very weak marriage, as it is. You are welcome to consider the following, or not.

In your original post you wrote: “I love my wife with all my heart, she seems perfect to and for me“- I read your posts and the second part is far from being true: you do not see her as perfect to you or for you. (Maye you meant that other people think of her this way, which would make that part of the sentence true). The first part- I .. did not feel that love as I read your posts.

It seems like your wife doesn’t feel that love from you either: “the other night when I said that I loved her, she said ‘the only reason you love me is that I gave you a son’ … she didn’t say that she loved me afterwards, she just said goodnight, gave me a kiss and went to bed“- she does not feel that you love/ value her other than the fact that she gave birth to your son, which is something that is done with.. meaning, she feels that you don’t love her.

Earlier in your thread I suggested workbooks in regard to improving communication between husband and wife, one of which has the title “Simple Exercises to Improve your Communication and Strengthen your Bond”. At this point, I am thinking: improving your communication with your wife and deepening the (currently non-existing, so it seems) bond is not possible for as long as you are not honest with her about what you feel for and about her.

No Honesty = No Bond.

Tell her the truth. The marriage may fail regardless (I read about the issues), but without honesty, the marriage (which is already falling apart) has no chance.

anita