Dear Ginn, I would like to say how amazing you are. Finding a passion is not a simple thing. In reality, it is exhausting and time-consuming to try new things every day and not take the easy route and just play it safe. I am sorry the uncertainty is causing panic attacks. I would love to say there is an easy answer to how to leave behind a pattern of behavior or a way to find out what you were destined to do in your life.  The only easy answer is this. First, ask yourself these questions

1. what in the past has made you smile, laugh or find joy in your life? In hard times it’s hard to remember what brought you joy in the good times. If you don’t like designing what do you like to do? Is it everything about designing that you dislike? What about Drawing or Painting? Do you like Buildings or history.

2. what in your life can you not live without, if nothing comes to mind then maybe find something to smile about. Is there a type of tea you have to have every day without fail? Finding small things every day that makes the day feel calmer or brighter helps lower stress.  My favored way to break out of a panic attack is peppermint tea or mints.

3. is there someone you can talk to about dreams and goals someone who can be a sounding board to bounce ideas off of? Sometimes we get stuck in our heads and can’t get out.

4. Stop measuring self-expectations based on others people’s lives. They could be just as envious of your life and you would never know.

5. Worrying about money to pay the rent and not having any way to earn just adds to the pressure of being in a cycle. If you are unhappy in a job don’t let that job be the central focus of your life. Before work goes for a walk and get a coffee or after work go to the bar etc. Find ways to get out. Passion will come with time.

Sorry if that was not very helpful.

Donna