Dear Care:

On March 2018, when you were 18, you shared that you were a straight A student, that your body was beautiful and that you loved yourself: “my body is beautiful, and I love myself“.  You shared that you have never been in a relationship and that everyone was telling you that the reason for that was that guys were afraid that such a smart and beautiful girl would reject them. Believing this in part or in whole, you told “a really nice guy” that you liked him. But he rejected you, saying that he is not in love with you, that he loves you in a platonic way, “just like loving the way stars shine“.

Almost 4 years later, on January 7, 2022, at 22, you shared that you currently work as a teacher, “having to take care financially” of your mother and yourself after your father left, feeling hopeless, anxious and depressed: “I feel this deep hole inside of me absorbing everything good in me… I can’t seem to find joy in normal things like taking a shower or eating… feeling extremely overwhelmed… I never feel in control of things… my very core: my back, my hips, my throat hurts from all this suppressing. I would love to be free from my own mind… I somehow can’t seem to feel enough”.

And you added this curious “catch”: “I am thinking about seeing a therapist but here’s the catch, I always end up lying to them and I can’t seem to be honest with my problems” –

– I am wondering, is the reason that you always ended up lying to therapists that you were lied to? Is it that people lied to you when you were growing up, telling you things (about yourself, about themselves, about other people) that were not true?

I wonder if what you are suppressing in your very core, in your back, in your hips, in your throat… is the truth?

anita

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