Dear Malakai:

“I do agree that maybe in the future I should express myself with more moderation. Even though losing this relationship with my ex was a very painful experience, I do believe I’ve learned quite a valuable lesson about myself out of it” – you have the right attitude, to learn from previous experience and make your life better for it.

In the quote above, you mentioned the word “moderation” which means the avoidance of excess or extremes. You then added the information that your mother did not practice moderation regarding her mothering of you. You wrote: “I’ve found overbearing men to be too much for me, maybe exactly because I’ve always had an overbearing mother“.

An overbearing mother, like the prefix over suggests, watches over her child and involves herself in the child’s life excessively/ to the extreme. Looking at a website on the topic, optimistic mind. com/ overbearing mother, it says that another term for an overbearing parent is a helicopter parent, always hovering right above her child/teenager/ adult-child, watching, ready to land at any time with questions, opinions, criticisms, warnings, and/ or she excessively tells you about her personal difficulties at work, in her marriage or elsewhere, asking for your opinion. She just doesn’t let her child/ adult-child feel free to just be. She is excessively there, excessively demanding your attention, so much so that you don’t feel free to live your own life.

Another website, better help. com/ survival guide for dealing with an overbearing mother, reads: “Psychologists have actually determined that overbearing parenting is detrimental to a child’s health… Helicopter parenting can also lessen a child’s ability to make their own choices… People with overbearing mothers may be more likely to struggle making decisions, suffer from anxiety, have low self-esteem, and feel uncomfortable in leadership positions… Helicopter parenting can also wreak havoc on your ability to properly regulate your emotions, form social bonds, and communicate effectively with others… Helicopter parenting does far more than simply irritate or frustrate children; it can actually stunt emotional growth”.

Both websites offer suggestions. It so happens that I too had an overbearing mother, and I suffered from all the consequences of that misfortune, mentioned above. If sharing with you about it, maybe sharing with each other, helps you- I am willing.

anita

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