Dear Sesha:

“I would say with a more or less healthy habit with diet and sport…  Also, to have some close friends to talk to or to meet up, help to feel accepted” – I agree.

“But the tendency during the time I am alone, those suffocating feelings haunt me. I do try to distract myself with walks, playing the piano, watching movies/series etc. Unfortunately, like sports I can’t distract forever from those uncomfortable thoughts” – these suffocating feelings are haunting you because they need your attention. They need you to attend to them, not to ignore them by distracting yourself.

Distracting oneself when distressed is healthy, but it is also healthy to attend to distressing feelings that are repeatedly and persistently calling for your attention. A combination of distraction from and attention to these suffocating feelings, at different times- is what is needed, I say.

Notice that you referred to your suffocating feelings as “those suffocating feelings”, putting a distance between you and those feelings over there. Bring these feelings to over here, close to you; they are very much part of your inner self, therefore, when you make friends with these feelings, you are also making friends with your inner self.

You use the term “my inner and stable self”. Thing is, your inner self is disturbed by these feelings, and so it is too often unstable. You want connection with your inner self only if and when it is stable?

If you attend to these feelings, make friends with them, express them authentically and respectfully, your inner self will gradually relax and become stable on an ongoing basis. when alone and when in the company of others.

What if next time you feel these feelings, relax best you can and let these feelings express themselves on paper, or on the computer screen… do you think it’s a good idea, maybe, something for you to try?

anita