Dear Sesha:

I went looking for the nature of your “suffocating feelings“. (Synonyms of the verb to suffocate– to smother, to choke):

Wikipedia on Panic attacks states that these are sudden attacks of “intense fear and discomfort” lasting from a few seconds to hours, “shortness of breath and chest pain are the predominant symptoms…It is not unusual to experience only one or two symptoms at a time, such as vibrations in their legs, shortness of breath, or an intense wave of heat traveling up their bodies…

“Diagnosis: DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for a panic attack include a discrete period of intense fear or discomfort, in which four (or more) of the following symptoms developed abruptly and reached a peak within minutes: Palpitations, and/ or accelerated heart rate, Sweating, Trembling or shaking, Sensations of shortness of breath or being smothered, Feeling of choking, Feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint, Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself), Fear of losing control or going insane, Sense of impending doom, Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations), Chills or hot flashes”.

merk manual. com: “Compared with those in adults, panic attacks in children and adolescents are often more dramatic in presentation (e.g., with screaming, weeping, and hyperventilation). This display can be alarming to parents and others…. over time, children begin to attribute them to certain situations and environments. Affected children then attempt to avoid those situations….  such as going to school, visiting the mall, or doing other typical activities… Prognosis is good with treatment. Without treatment, adolescents may drop out of school, withdraw from society, and become reclusive”.

These are your words: “feelings… suffocate me… My parents… feel overwhelmed every time when I get emotional, so they let me be. Many times, they just stand up and go because they can’t bear my emotions and my intense moaning. Now as an adult those intense moaning are not tolerable” –

– reads to me that you suffered from panic attacks ever since you were a child or an adolescent, and that the current expression of your panic attacks (being an adult in your mid-twenties), is the same expression as when you were a child or an adolescent (intense moaning as a child=> intense moaning as an adult).

Back to your words: “(My emotions) suffocate me…very intense… I didn’t know how to handle them neither do my parents. So they walked away and hoped that I calm down myself… Those intense emotions are scary and terrible for others too. So I have a tendency to avoid others” – you avoided others as a child=> you avoid others as an adult. Your parents didn’t know how to handle your panic attacks as a child, and they still don’t.

“When I am feeling those intense emotions, I am desperate for comfort. I think I get very clingy and vulnerable. I want that people don’t leave me alone with those intense emotions. I want support…  I feel like I am acting like a child and that is not tolerable in the society. As an adult it is desperate and very irritating… When I am overwhelmed with those intense emotions I cry a lot and I talk very negative about myself and others. I get paralyzed and every suggested possible solutions I reject and continue to whine. Then I repeat those negative things again and again… My whining is unbearable and unhealthy. Even my therapist felt uncomfortable with my whining. It’s just too much..” –

– again, seems to me that your panic attacks as an adults express themselves similar to when you were a child: intense moaning, whining, crying a lot. As an adult, you act like a child who is experiencing a panic attack.

“I want to find a way to become free from my suffocating self…  free from my suffocating emotions… . those ‘suffocating feelings’..  every time they come out, they drain my energy, paralyze me and make me a very uncomfortable person to be around. Especially in the morning when I wake up and in the afternoon when I get tired, those ‘suffocating feelings’ are very present” –

– panic attacks are draining and paralyzing…. and they happen to you more often in the mornings, when you wake up, and in the afternoons?

* There’s a lot under “Treatment” in the websites I mentioned; there are also books and workbooks for children and for adults, in regard to treating and managing panic attacks.

anita