Dear Bun:

You are welcome, thank you for your appreciation, good to have you back here!

“In my last post before this one, there is a very detailed comment / response on the timeline of my last few years highlighting my top stressful situations and the thought processes behind it all” – that was my post to you on January 13, 2021, going over what you shared in your threads, starting in May 2017 to January 2021.

“In my last post, January 2021, I was conflicted to move out of my friend and her brother’s house, and in with my mother. After I made the post, my laptop broke, my phone broke – I had no connection and was in my friend’s home where I didn’t feel comfortable, so I simply fixed my phone and called for my mother and moved in with her. Clicking back on my last post I see I missed a vital response of advice that had I taken ‘do not move in with your mother or anyone whom you had bad experiences’” – that was the advice I gave you back in Jan 13, 2021.

“From there you would not imagine the destruction that has taken place on my time. My mother was very unwell and sparing details would have blow-outs and make efforts to incarcerate my brother and I for various things. I talked to police multiple times, and she called multiple times, they simply said it was a family matter…  I became upset one day as she insulted my brother calling him ‘POS’. He is older than me but fragile from her abuse as he spent longer growing up with her. I could not take it and I told her to leave him alone. She exploded, insulted me calling me disgusting – my own mother, left the house, came back with police, a scratch on her forehead and told the police I had scratched and forced her out of the house. Though my brother was a witness this still resulted in me going to jail (traumatic), having to be bonded out, and now having my record smeared with a false battery charge” – you moved in with your mother and that was a big mistake.

“So, after that I was staying in hotels with my brother. We were in hotels for 4 months together, then split up after a silly argument in which he said, ‘I don’t need you’…  I finally rented a cheap room somewhere in town… living with a young guy who had drug issues…  I ultimately decided to take up and offer from my ex-boss to come back to LA to work / live with him. I took the offer… I call and my boss / friend sounds unlike I’ve ever heard him – angry, unforgiving, insulting – and says I’m on my own…. After weeks of stress, having to stay with my sister and stress her out with my unexpected stay, he agrees to let me move in with him. Oh – and surprise mention – I find out I am nearly 5 months pregnant with a one-time event that I literally unfortunately did for finances in desperation when I was renting the room with the unstable younger roommate.

“So now I am in LA, pregnant, and living with my boss…  I tell my boss and he freaks out… He tells me I can’t stay there any longer… After almost two months staying with (sister) on and off (she would kick me out randomly, welcome me back, and do it again )…  she texted me she needed space for her mental breakdown… She says she thinks it’s best I move out ( knowing I have no where to go…  Anyway fast forward into the week and I’m trying to secure a room in an apartment with bad credit and weak current work income, not an easy process…

“Anyway, I made the decision to move.. with roommates who seemed healthy and with similar interests… It’s been two days since I moved and I feel uneasy about my roommate already. She does have high anxiety… I feel her anxious nature leads me to feel distrustful… Despite the location being nice, the uneasiness I feel makes me wonder if I should check if the 2nd apartment is available – and simply move out this week…  The 2nd apartment seems a healthier environment in the house ( roommates in a better place emotionally?)… It’s important I’m in a place I feel safe, can trust my roommates, and can work on my personal things without roommate drama… I’ve only been moved in two days, but it’s been such a drain when I feel I should feel relieved to have a room finally. What should I do?” –

My advice: stay where you are just long enough for you to find a place to rent on your own, no roommates; be it the smallest studio apartment… but alone. The “roommate drama” of which you are afraid, it is likely to happen even if your roommate is as nice as can be because you bring drama to your life. I agree with you that your mother and sister are unwell and cause drama… but so do you. Why do I believe this is true?

Because in January 12, 2021, you shared that you had a friend since you were 12, we referred to her as E, the daughter of Christian parents, a pastor’s daughter. E’s parents invited you to move to their home when you were 15 because of your troubled life with your mother. When you were 18, still living with E’s parents’ home, E’s mother complained that a friend of yours and of E’s was spending too much time in the house. You then argued with the generous, kind woman who opened her home to you for years, telling her: “I am closer to god than you are..”! She then kicked you and the friend out of the house.

E’s mother had the right to be displeased about who spends time in her home. You as her guest, had no right to confront her about what was none of your business. It was E’s mother’s business who spends time in her house, not yours! It was very ungrateful and rude of you to confront her and insult her… and it was definitely unnecessary drama that you created.

I bring this up because if you keep thinking that it is always the case that other people bring drama to your life, you will never give yourself the opportunity to confront your own drama causing behaviors. You shouldn’t live again with your mother (who creates lots of drama) or with your sister… or with your brother… or with an ex-boss/ friend… or with anyone, until such a time when on your part, you no longer create drama.

anita

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