Niraj,
Ha, yes I understand what you mean. Who hasn’t experienced fear associated with talking to someone new? Especially someone new to whom we are attracted? First off – the more you think about this and the more images of potential reactions that you entertain in your head, the more energy you are putting into an interaction that has not happened yet and the more difficult to just TAKE THE PLUNGE! This is what it boils down to. Here in the west there is a method of therapy called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. You don’t have to be a psychologist to understand it it’s quite simple. It states that you can feel afraid and tremble AND at the same time take action that is opposite to how you feel. So if you feel afraid to do something that is quite natural and does not mean that you can’t do it – it simply means you are afraid. Try saying, “hello fear, I know you are there, I am sorry you are so consumed in fear” and from there you and your fear can go up to the girl and let happen whatever happens. You are already thinking too much about this – don’t take anyone’s advise that would encourage you to think EVEN MORE. The simple truth is that you are afraid. And the place within you that is afraid thinks that they have good reason to be afraid. It is probably afraid of rejection, it is then afraid of feeling unlovable, and then afraid of being ALL ALONE. Quite dramatic isn’t it? But this place is not you. It is merely a part of you. Only one part of you is afraid. But the rest of you is intact and wanting to make a connection with someone and so do not let the fearful place in you direct your actions. You are bigger than that! Whitman said we contain multitudes and I think that is true. You are bigger than just that place in you that is afraid. Be compassionate to the place in you that is afraid and then move on! Live your life! Life is too short to let our behavior be dictated by fear. There is also a place in you that is very strong and very brave – perhaps you should let that place take the driver’s seat more often?

-J.D.