fbpx
Menu

Reply To: Breaking Up With my Best Friend of 10 Years

HomeForumsRelationshipsBreaking Up With my Best Friend of 10 YearsReply To: Breaking Up With my Best Friend of 10 Years

#403222
Leah
Participant

Hello Anita

About what you said – I agree about how the person with the exposed nerves needs to learn self control. I find it very difficult sometimes to hold back or stay quiet another moment, or keep down my reaction. I will try to work on it.

About what he needs – I meant more of what he wants out of a life partner, which is someone who can go out more without a fuss, and maybe someone who he can express himself to, like you said…

What I need – I’m not entirely sure. I’m trying to focus on what I need RIGHT NOW, which is just compassion and a hug…

The conversation wasn’t great. I ended up feeling hurt and disappointed, but I accept this as my initial reaction, and I already feel it fade out to my real emotions, which are more accepting and empathetic to him.

Basically, he’s not ready to really look at the relationship the way I have. He simply doesn’t do it. He doesn’t look back. It’s too painful for him, and he’s scared to fall into a pit of darkness and never come out. He also absolutely cannot allow himself any bit of “maybe” or to dwell on the relationship, or to question the decision to breakup etc… I was hurt, because he said numerous times how we just need to move on, carry on, look forward– but it’s only been two weeks. And this was a very meaningful relationship for both of us. I feel like “moving on” so quickly, and to not look at our relationship and examine it, cheapens it or makes it feel like not a big deal. I was also hurt because I came to the conversation willing to be vulnerable, and wanting to share myself with him – my thoughts, my feelings, everything, the way I used to. But I am telling myself to accept the way he chooses to deal with it, which is by looking away from it and trying to get busy with other things. It makes me feel unimportant, but I understand that that’s all he can give me right now. I realize that I can’t expect him to give me what I want right now (closure, talk about the relationship). I hope that I can move past the hurt I feel right now, so that when he’s ready to talk, I can be there. But right now I understand that I can’t have these conversations with him, unless there’s something HE wants to say or tell me. The conversation was emotional and difficult, very different from the one we had a week ago.

I will say, that I got to share with him my realization about my anxiety, and how much it’s been ruling my life, clouding my judgement, and that I now realize he tried and he told me all of this, but I couldn’t listen. I told him I’m back in therapy and that I’m gonna start seeing a psychiatrist and really try to work on it. He cried as I was telling him this. He was very surprised by how much progress I’ve already made, and was happy and proud of me. He told me I was amazing.

He did say, about himself, that he realizes he has a tendency to run away from situations, and that he has commitment issues.

From things he said, I think he wants to “move on”, cut off contact for a while, so that we can be friends and still have each other in our lives. Right now, I feel like I can’t do it. I want him as my partner and I don’t know if I could handle being just his friend. It hurts me to think that it didn’t mean as much to him as it did to me. But the bottom line is, he’s just not looking at our relationship and what’s happened to it. He refuses to do it, or he cannot do it. It’s hard for me to accept, but I have to accept it…