Dear Eric:

“There is nothing I can do to get that life… that kind of appearance…  a really big and loving family“- in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl wrote about his life as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps during World War 2. The conditions there were terrible: people dying every day from hunger, hard labor, and from violence.

He wrote: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves“. What he meant by it, is that he wasn’t able to change any of the conditions of his life: nothing he could do to escape the concentration camps, nothing he could do to be able to eat when he was hungry, or rest when he was tired… the only thing he could do was to change his ATTITUDE: the way he thinks about himself, about others and about his life.

He also wrote: “It is not freedom from conditions, but it is freedom to take a stand toward the conditions“- again, it is about ATTITUDE:  a freedom that a person has to think differently than before.

Back to you: “The only thing that I can do now is live my life as best as I can“- to live your life best you can is to have a different, better ATTITUDE; a different, better STAND TOWARD THE CONDITIONS of your life.

“But it’s such a struggle… circumstances keep giving me struggles, like my friend could suddenly posted a pic of us together and I look short there… I always felt that this world hates me…. I never asked to be born with eating issues, this appearance, etc.“- when seeing pics where you look short, your attitude has been to think that the world hates you, etc. And as a result of these thoughts, you felt very badly. Can you think of a different, better attitude; a better stand toward the condition of your short height?

“Even tall boys who have filthy personalities would underestimate me when we haven’t talk yet“- what is your attitude about it, what is your stand toward this condition of being underestimated because of your looks?

“I keep protecting myself from going to certain events because I could look short there. I didn’t chase girls in my uni days because of my insecurity“- again, can you think of a different attitude, a different behavioral stand toward the condition of your looks in the context of chasing girls?

“I tried to do what most people do when they broke up, show their ex that they are better….“- how about an attitude that is different from most people’s?

“It’s really hard to live a life calmly, like there is always something that I did wrong every day“- the other day I did something wrong: I placed extra weight on a drawer in the refrigerator and as a result, the drawer broke. I felt badly!

When such things happened in the far past, I felt badly for a long, long time, thinking and overthinking.. . basically my ATTITUDE was that I was a bad or neglectful person for having made this or that mistake. But the other day, I asked myself:  did I break the drawer on purpose? Answer: No. I felt better because it meant that I didn’t break the drawer because I was a bad person.

Next I asked myself: did I know that placing too much weight on a drawer can break it? Answer: No, I never thought about it, it never occurred to me. I felt better because it  meant that I didn’t break the drawer because I was negligent. Next, I made a mental note for myself: now that I know that extra weight can break a drawer, I will remember it and be careful in the future when I handle drawers in the refrigerator. After all of that, I felt fine! My NEW ATTITUDE (asking myself these two questions and making that mental note for myself) stopped my overthinking and bad feelings and felt as good as I felt before I broke the drawer.

How can you change your ATTITUDE about MAKING MISTAKES?

“Deep inside I experience internal pain every day. I can still force myself to live my life every day, I just have to bear the pain inside me“- with a different, better ATTITUDE, you will have way LESS OR NO PAIN!

“I always felt that this world hates me…. I never asked to be born with eating issues, this appearance, etc… Nothing will come from dwelling my appearance, regrets, etc. I knew about that. It’s just that I like dwelling on how unfair my situation is right now“- your attitude of thinking and overthinking about how unfair the world is to you is keeping you stuck in pain and nothing good comes of it.

“The only good thing is that from every overthinking, I always gain new life advices,  like I got some awakening in me. But the pain I felt inside is sometimes too unbearable“- no, nothing good comes from overthinking and the pain that you are describing. I know the pain that you shared about for so long in your various threads, I felt it too and I assure you, there is nothing good about this kind of pain. Life wisdom and awakening happen when there is hope that pain will lessen and be no more, and… a different, better attitude will make it happen!

“I need to camouflage my weaknesses every day, I guess it’s isn’t possible“- a different, better attitude will be your strength. It will be difficult to form but it is possible.

anita