Dear arabella:

You are welcome. If your boyfriend knew of the conversation you had with your ex, I would imagine that he wouldn’t feel better knowing that it was about your past sex life with your ex vs sexting. I imagine that his male ego will hurt very much simply because of being considered “not AS good as the old one with (your) ex“.

“I don’t think I’ll ever have that kind of feeling with anyone else again“- it may be that even if you had sex with your ex again, you wouldn’t have that kind of feeling either. That would not be surprising to me: I remember how much I enjoyed living in New York City at one time, in my mid-twenties. It was magical. Some years later, visiting, it had a very different feeling to it, the magic was all gone. I figure that the magic was a product of me being young, and it being the first time I was in NYC. It was new and magical, but it couldn’t be magical when it was no longer a first time, when it was no longer new.

“I agree with you that not telling him is the correct path because it will only hurt him“- good thing that you agree.

“I’m just not sure how to forgive myself and move on“-the motivation behind the painful feeling of shame is to lead us to improve ourselves, to learn something from the past behavior which we regret, and come out a better person for it. This is how I deal with behaviors that I regret. Being a good person is about changing for the better.

anita