Dear Caroline:

“I feel it is a trap that I fell into… He usually intimidates and bullies me. I regret I put up with this all these months and did not stand up for myself and now it became a trap I need to get out of“- I think that objectively, the situation is not as bad as you feel that it is. You can undo the trap and set yourself free if and when you stand up for yourself and create a new reality at work.

“my coworker asked my why am I not ‘in his team’ since we were best friends.  I think for past few days this is my worst concern because I know I will break up this relationship one way or another but worry about what people at work would think as they already think we are best friends (not 100% sure what he tells them – I am working home office, he and only one coworker are in the office)“- tell the guy that you and him are friendly work colleagues but no longer personal friends. Then tell everyone else at work the same thing. Be factual about it, don’t elaborate. And then, if he comes to your home uninvited, don’t let him in. If he calls you outside the work context, tell him that he is not to call you because you are no longer personal friends. Be calm and persistent.

It is a great opportunity, as scary as it may feel, to assert yourself and stand up for yourself: take advantage of this opportunity!

anita