Dear Anita

Sorry for some reasons I didn’t get the email notifications so I missed your replies.

Thank you so much for your response. It is always nice to have someone like you who really gets me.

To answer your questions, it is surprising to see the description of a meerkat on Wikipedia, it actually gives me some insights as to how my childhood experiences have shaped my beliefs as you said.

Yes I’m highly sociable, however when I feel that I’m not being accepted I tend to react strongly and completely withdraw from the social circle, even if I have to sit there I feel that I’m dead inside and everyone is dead in my eyes. It is not that I’m antisocial, I look serious as well do it doesn’t help. But I only shine brightly if I feel that I am surrounded by the right people, and even to strangers I’m a superstar, within a short time I already have returning customers asking me for recommendations and I close a lot of good sales even though I’m not at the tills most of the time (I am busy doing the things that nobody wants to do like working on the displays and sorting stock in the back. But when I’m back to the shop floor I can immediately close many sales so I end up selling the same amount as others, I work hard and I feel good about myself when I get things done).

You’re absolutely correct in saying that I do not have anywhere to retreat to, I do not feel that family is a safe place for me and I would rather not mention about that.

Sorry I talk a lot about work, it is important to me, and I really want to stay in my current role even if I move to a different organ. I see myself being a manager, not now. But I’m a natural leader, even though I might not be the most outspoken (I let the manager take the credit as she is the leader. But I am kind of like the person that most people would listen to and I have established myself as someone that is reliable, driven and friendly (although it is contingent on whether I get along well with that person).

I haven’t checked the other thread that I started, I might have missed the emails as well. But here is an update: I have been able to start a new page with Bear as I believe that we still have to work together, and it seems that there is no mentioning of what happened so I suppose it is squashed now. I am happy to have built some trust with the team.

However I was pretty flat out after work today. It has got to do with me being sick so I had a couple more coffees than what I would normally have and also I’ll have my period in the next few days.

But I really couldn’t keep it to myself and I was really having issues with Giraffe. So the manager is having a day off and she told me exactly what to do today, I am working full time so I have all the latest information as to what we’ve been doing.

Giraffe wasn’t even here when the discussions took place and I would like to introduce a new character, Lion, who is casual. And they did the exact opposite of what the manager told me to tell them to do (I don’t want to take the blame as I was told to pass on the message). They’re not even here all the time.

They’re like. Because they’ve worked here for a longer time then they have more experience. I tried to bite my tongue. It is not a competition of who has been here longer. The fact is the manager said this is what is going to happen and they did not follow the directives, and I do not want to take the blame in case anything goes wrong. I prefer we have discussions if we need to, but we take directions from each other instead of Giraffe being the one steering the wheel when she wasn’t even there when the discussions had already been had. What really set me off was how she was on my radar as one of the people who stole from the shop as well, and she said we should all take part in the cash up together which I strongly rejected as I do not want to get involved in that sh**, given what has already happened that Giraffe tends to go against me (at least this is what I feel) and the manager instructed me to do the cash ups independently as well as she has seen how accurate and efficient I am (I performed the whole thing under CCTV so there is evidence as well) so I wouldn’t take the fall if it is a collective effort to steal from the shop.

I know I shouldn’t have said “Jeez, oh whatever, do whatever you want mate, that’s not even what the manager said, things have changed now there is a new rule and you don’t even know” then walked away. But then Giraffe acting like she is in charge and not even being aware of all the things that were going on shows me that she is both incompetent and irresponsible, when both things go together that is the formula for me to hate someone and I can be overdramatic. But to me she is dead.

I will suck it up, I know she is not something that I need to worry about, as she is still studying (once she is done then she will move on), and my goal is to work in sales over the long term so eventually I will take over, as I am one of the few people that can commit to the job full time which is stressful (for me not really, but I can’t deal with people that I absolutely hate).

It is a big rant. But I hope you’re good. Don’t even know what to say now, I love talking to people. But I will take some rest tomorrow and I have a side gig on Monday before I head back to work to see Giraffe on the next day.