Hannah,

I’m sorry for the anxiety you’ve been experiencing, and its pretty normal. Not only are you in a PhD program, which can be a load of effort, you have the ex lurking around inside and outside. Consider that you’re no longer the foolish girl you were back then, and won’t make the same mistakes… that’s just fear. Kate gave some great words of wisdom, and if you’ve been practicing metta at all, you could perhaps make him one of the recipients as well.

Give yourself a little credit… you’ve learned a crap-ton since then (metric), and have grown sooo much. Its OK to trust yourself, you have found your courage and power. The dreams and fears are only leftovers, old memories of powerlessness and icky times. They’re gone, move on. 🙂

If it really seems sticky, you can say “I forgive you for all of the harmful actions, and wish you love and light. I forgive myself for all of the harmful actions, and wish love and light for myself. Let the past be settled.”

With warmth,
Matt