Hi Tinywanderlust,

Well, I am so glad to hear that something so terrible in my life can have at least one positive outcome. If it helps you, that is very good.
One thing I want to address in your above post, you say:

Luckily, the energy healer gave me some techniques that are already helping me feel the strength to detach, not just physically, but also emotionally. But, I know this road isn’t going to be an easy one and I also realize there’s some deeper digging I need to do in terms of what drew me to a relationship like this in the first place. Luckily, I have an understanding of where that needs to begin.

Well, I am not sure what you are thinking here, and I welcome you to say more. But without that, I would like to again advise you on this way of thinking based on my own experience.

I admire and understand your wish to make sense of things, but I would really discourage you from finding fault with yourself for ending up in a relationship that is abusive. It is something I have heard and seen repeated, even within this thread. There are a lot of silly ideas floating around about why women get together with and stay with abusive men. One idea is that you were looking for this kind of thing, even subconsciously, as in using a phrase like- what drew me to this relationship. If, five years from now, You truly feel YOU are responsible for being abused, then you can afford to be generous and acknowledge that to yourself. For now, rationalizing is not so helpful. Taking that degree of responsibility for the situation is coloring not only how you see the present but also the future.

I was in an abusive relationship, and I NEVER wanted what happened to me. . Actually, the abusive man I fell in love with was initially not abusive at all, and it really did not become physical until we moved in together. Abusers dont wear signs on their foreheads, and most people who have this tendency are very adept at hiding it. They even cover over it and try to be well liked by being really charming, charismatic, and grabbing the check at dinner. There is no way to KNOW beforehand that someone is an abuser before you fall in love with them. So, you go along, and things change, but you keep remembering the guy he was before everything got twisted. You try to minimize what is happening to everyone including yourself, but some people see through that. MOST PEOPLE DONT. In fact, if I had told this mans friends that he was hurting me, i doubt any of them would have believed me. Because it is hard to believe that people, especially people you like and have known for years are actually monsters in the privacy of their homes. Abuse is an impolite topic, and most everyone will look the other way. I wore longsleeve shirts in the hottest weather to cover the bruises on my arms, and no one ever noticed. No one ever asked why.

So, you are in the most tender and vulnerable part of leaving. You would like to put this behind you and to do that you need to tell yourself a good story about how you got here and how you can avoid this in the future. Looking into what drew you to him could feel empowering. Like a diagnosis that lets you get on with the treatment.

This may sound a bit strange, but instead of moving forward which may feel like hacking through the jungle with a machete, you could lift off. You could leave this behind you, below you, and not think about how it happened, or why. Just let it be heavy lying there without you. You do not need to tell any story, you do not blame yourself, you just lift up and out. From there, time and all the wonderful people who love you, and all the wonderful people you will meet in the future, confirm that you are good, and OK, you are not drawing bad ones. Some just turn out to be bad ones.
Do whatever it takes for you right now. When I was at this point, I moved across the country, and I stayed inside watching movies for one week. I could not face the world. My heart was so heavy. I was so ashamed. I cried and I felt panicky. I needed to be alone with myself.
When you are alone you will see you are a completely clear glass of water.