Anna,

You are an extremely beautiful being. I hope it inspires others on here who are going through their own difficulties to move forward and stay the course. Thank you for posting your struggles.

One of my (Buddhist) teachers once said that we cannot change the karma of others, and yet, if all phenomena (events) are interdependent (or mutually needed for a cause & effect), how is his statement true? In simpler terms, he states that we cannot influence the lives of others. If this were true, Buddhism does not need to be taught nor exist. But then again, perhaps there is something I’ve failed to understand. I am, after all, still quite the novice. My point is, in addition to my disagreement with my teacher’s claim, I believe we definitely possess the ability to influence others, to clear their eyes, to open their hearts, to introduce new/other views which may cause a shift in their beliefs and actions. At least, to my understanding, this is what the Buddha has taught me to do.

Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, (if you’ve ever watched his show) always mentions energy. He remarks that how we carry ourselves both internally and externally plays a huge role in the behavior of our dogs. While I do not mean to group humans with dogs, there is no doubt that we operate in the same way. For example, we find ourselves to be much more calm around peaceful people. We enjoy their presence and their beings do not disturb our mind. We feel at ease around them. The same can be said of people/environments/situations of other traits. Energy proves to be an immense impact on our beings. And, thankfully, despite the environment you grew up in, you matured into a more orderly and enlightened person. Hence, you (unknowingly) cultivated the right energy which you can now share with/to help others. How beautiful! On a negative note, however, because you grew to be more enlightened, selfless and caring of others I am unfortunate to say that your karma demands you bring order back into your life to reclaim your harmony. In this sense, obtaining a more understanding mind can be a curse. Nevertheless, as the title of your posts suggests, it is all ‘perception’. If you continue to seek and harness further understanding by the various spiritual, secular or other teachings offered, this ‘burden’ can definitely come to be labeled and perceived differently. In fact, your situation (and all other future situations) can come to be viewed and accepted as ‘just another chance for Anna to help someone/something turn beautiful’. Your kind, altruistic and loving nature will grant you the fortitude throughout it all. Also, this community filled with beautiful beings will always be here to help should you need a ‘pick-me-up’.

As for how to wield this energy, because of the damage your parents and family have sustained over time, it will have to be small in the beginning. Although great changes can occur in short amounts of time, they are rare and should not be expected. Concentrate only on progress, not ‘end results’. Around your parents, do your best to wield a positive energy/aura; this means your composure, your trains of thoughts, your actions and your dialogues. Consider at first cultivating more ‘loving speech’. Words of care and consideration are always welcomed. A simple ‘good morning’ expresses much, if you are making a snack ask if they would like some, when leaving the house, a small ‘I’ll see you in a bit’ speaks volumes. And, slowly, as comfort and energy expands altogether, begin to widen your love further. Try praising of one of your mother’s beautiful characteristics such as her hair, compliment an article of clothing your father is wearing, ask your mother to accompany you when you’re shopping (for anything), buy a healthcare product for either of your parents expressing your worries for their health, etc….Smile often, giggle, laugh enthusiastically even and joke around. Perform numerous small loving acts, while including your siblings in both the giving and receiving, until a possible more open relationship develops where you can share and express your entire love and being without any fear. Do these things and all-around change will definitely occur, hopefully all of it positive. Also, I must stress that although this can be seen/labeled as manipulative, it is the intent and the nature that holds true significance as it is the factor in generating order or chaos to our minds and lives. Performing deeds only for one’s sake is selfish and will only garner discord within us and lead us to lead destructive lives. This is why I assert that you must perform these acts with love, nothing but love, for your family. But, be at ease for fortunately it seems that giving love comes easy for you. I’m sure it is one of everyone’s wish to have a happy family.

Before I leave you, I must once again reiterate that progress is what’s important. Do not think either short or long term; think only of development. If you find that your collective situations are better than 3 months ago, then isn’t that already better? Isn’t that already something to be delighted about? Also, while mending your family is important, do remember to also take care of yourself. I understand that it can difficult to find a middle ground to everything. Our lives can seem as if they’re brimmed with chaos, as if it is impossible to organize our thoughts and philosophies. However, I find that a few deep breaths and a recollection of ‘why’ I’m doing anything at all helps me refocus. I hope this also works for you otherwise, again, this community will always be here to help.

I hope this helps and please forgive me for any grammatical errors I may have most likely made in what is now my longest reply post to date. (This is how much your post affected me. *Wink)

My Love And Care To You And Your Family,

Al

• This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by Al.