Vic,

There’s being honest, and then there is being mindlessly honest, which is really just being reactive instead of attentive. For instance, you walk into the bathroom and it smells, walking out and saying so to your partner is honest, but mindless. Sure, its true, but why bring it up? Consider right speech as “is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?”.

Another thing that “honest” people sometimes fall into is being vocally critical. Wanting to be heard, so elbowing our way in with our views when unasked, volunteering our opinions, trying to grow others, etc. Consider that this is a tricky path, and in relationships, detrimental. Said differently, if you’re being honest about everything,it should be easy. Honest only about the bad, and not courageously pouring your honest flattery, and the intimacy spirals out of control. Too much “I don’t like” and not enough “I do.” often leaves a partner feeling low, separate. Our hearts usually long to hear “I do”, as that’s how we feel safe to say “I do, too”. Otherwise the “honesty” appears more like fault finding, even if its unintended on your side.

With warmth,
Matt