Thanks Inky! I agree, it’s not fair for him to expect me to just forget it, act like it never happened and go hang out with them again. And trust me, we are NEVER getting together with them as a couple again. I do not need that negative energy in our lives.

You know, if he had just remained really apologetic and did not try to minimize that night and not try to push me to resume our friendship (for 10 MONTHS we fought about it, he even requested marital therapy to help ME get over it…although he said it was for us to work it through, I know it was b/c he thought it would get me to change my mind, b/c when I didn’t, he stopped counseling), I think I could have let it go so much easier. But the fact that he fought me on it for so long has really damaged my feelings for him. I don’t see him quite the same way. I’m trying to remember that at his core he is a good, good man. But wow. I guess I’m just now realizing how him fighting me on this for so long has made me think of him as the enemy, as a bad person for not acknowledging how wrong his actions were.

It had to get to the point where he realized he was going to lose me if he kept pushing the issue. One day he went and spent the whole afternoon with his friend at their house WITH her there (and yes, they were drinking). And he never even texted me or called me while there to acknowledge how difficult this was for me, AND he was later getting home than he had promised he would be. So I went off on him when he came home and asked him if he was trying to make me lose my love for him (yep, lost my mind for a few moments). Also, one of our good friends’ husbands sat down and talked to him about it, saying his wife would react the same way, and he would always put the marriage first ahead of any friendship. And then he finally gave up his fight to change my mind on the topic and gave up his mission for us all to be friends again.

He almost had to lose me to realize I am the most important thing. WTF? I know this friend is so very important to him – he considers him one of his lifelong buddies – but – really? It’s not like I keep him from hanging out with him (alone, not with HER there).

But then I think back to how wonderful he has been to me through all these years before this incident. I remember the good, good man that I know is at his core. He is so generous, kind, caring. And I want to forgive him for acting so selfishly and not making us the priority…I want to move forward and accept that he is not always going to act in my best interest, that he is human. But I am having a hard time with acknowledging this “bad” side of him I saw for so many months. It’s hard to put the two pieces of his personality together in my mind. I’ve never seen this side of him before, so it’s like I am trying to learn to love someone again who isn’t quite the person I thought they were. Not a bad person, but a good person who has some really bad traits. I don’t want to lose my love for him, but it has changed, to be honest. I don’t feel quite the same way about him, and that breaks my heart more than anything. I still love him so much and would be devastated if anything happened to him. Absolutely devastated! I feel bad writing that my love has changed and is not quite the same. I want to feel the same way I used to.

Sorry to drag on. I truly do want to put this behind me as he is no longer fighting me on the issue. But I feel like I now see him differently, and it is impossible to forget what I have learned about his character. So I’m trying to figure out how to love the new him that I now see.

Uggh!