Hi David, I’m so sorry for your pain. If it helps, the stage of relationship grief you are in right now is “anger” – and you are turning that anger on yourself.

I found it best not to fight the anger or try to quell it – just breathe through it and let yourself know in the unemotional part of your mind (I don’t know what it’s called in Buddhist tradition, unfortunately) that you made the decisons you made with the knowledge and feelings you had at the time. You also seem angry with yourself for pursuing the other girl, that you call “fake”, and angry with her, too. Perhaps you are grieving the loss of two loves at once?