Hi Alyssa,

I am in the exact same shoe as you. I left a toxic relationship full of lies manipulation and humiliation. He would put me down then come back to say I’m the one who THINKS he put me down. He cheated on me during his trips with other girls and come back to make me pamper him as if i’m his maid. It’s my first relationship so I didn’t know when to move on. I let that happen to me again and again and each time I cried myself out because he made it seem like it’s my job to do that and stay quiet or else I’m the one “worrying too much”. Now I feel bad because I lost a lot of weight, burnt my tear gland and causes my skin to wrinkle up around my eyes. I was happy i was out of this relationship though but the crying and losing weight has caused many other health issues like hormone imbalance, tired easily, dry eyes and skin. It’s certainly the worst thing in my life to have treated myself this way or have let others to treat myself this way. I still experience a lot of guilt whenever i see the change in myself. It’s like some post self harm feeling.I am trying to hang out and talk to people BEFORE meeting him. get back to the lifestyle i had before he appeared in my life and i found that helpful. I was becoming myself again, motivated, happy, hopeful and career focused. Sometimes i just had to pretend that the last two years never happened and emotionally I’ll feel all good again. I read in another thread here that you need to learn how to love yourself and moving away from him you have done something great to yourself already so just keep doing it. I was actually living in another country just for him and leaving that country when the relationship was over was the best thing i did to myself. I talked a lot too with my guy friends and i was very vulnerable for a rebound period but i made sure i kept distance. You’ll make it out one day, because we all did. and when that happens you will realize that all those tears and emotional pain you suffer is just not worth it at all SO the sooner you drop it, the better. Think of it as he was just some enemy of yours. So don’t let someone who wants to ruin you to affect you so much anymore 🙂 at least that’s what i’m trying to convince myself.