It’s easy to think this is mutually exclusive, but it isn’t. What about being yourself whether in a relationship or not?

Inherent, INHERENT to your idea that there’s no point dating because you would have to pretend to be somebody else, otherwise they wouldn’t like you, is the belief that they need to like you.

All of your efforts are currently being funneled into avoiding rejection.

I recommend working on this and coming to realize that it doesn’t matter what anybody thinks of you – nothing they think of you changes who you are, or has anything to do with who you are for that matter. That you don’t need them to like you. That you don’t need them in order for you to be happy. That you can live without them, but you desire being with them. But if they don’t love you / respect you then that’s OK too.

As for your list – those are a list of stories you’re telling yourself about who you are. the stories aren’t who you actually are. I admire and appreciate your radical honesty here (especially your self honesty). Remember – the list isn’t who you are. The list is some stuff you’ve noticed you’ve been telling yourself stories about.

Forget about “can’t change”. Hasn’t changed yet is very different to won’t ever change.

I strongly recommend seeking a life coach, therapist or counselor to go through this stuff with you.

Here’s to your wellbeing.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Rock Banana.