Dear Starfish:
i struggled and still struggle with similar feelings: jealosy over my husband’s previous marriage and him having adult children with “that other woman.” Does it ring a bell of similarity? I thought only last night, imagining intimate moments he had with that other woman, repeatedly, many more moments time wise than he had with me. I used to go crazy with such thoughts- over time, decades of my life, i relize that such thoughts and feelings about him (and other men i encountered before) have more to do with my feelings and reality of being abandoned – emotionally by my mother- feelings of hurt and betrayal over my mother prefering other people to me, thinking highly of others while thinking lowly of me, treating me like inferior to others…

And i projected those early hurts and anger into my husband. Knowing this helps… but i still don’t like his adult children being in my life. I wish them well but I wish they did not exist… I feel some shame over writing that i wish they didn’t exist. Again, I wish them well, but it is not… convenient for me that they exist as proof of the intimacy he had with … the other woman.

I would like it if you posted again and responded to my post… I am interested in your reactions, in reading more about your feelings about your boyfriend and his past as well as about your feelings about your own past: your childhood, your relationships then and now with your parent/s. Take care:
anita