I was in a very very similar sounding relationship for 4.5 years. It was a bit different as we were trying out polyamoury, so the lack of ability to communicate emotions on his part was actually incredibly detrimental. It’s only been a year since we broke up, so I still have lots of feels.

Here are a few things I wish someone had encouraged me to think about earlier in the relationship as it pertains to what you’ve shared:

>What do I NEED in a relationship? Specifically, you addressed that you have emotional connections elsewhere. Does that feel good? Or do you need specific things, such as sharing openly emotions, from your partner? Sometimes it can be all well and fine to have the idea of “well this friendship serves this need, and this one serves this one” and that can work. And it might not. So deciding that is huge.
>Whatever you decide is a need in a relationship is ABSOLUTELY VALID. It is perfectly okay to recognize things like needing that emotional sharing in a life partner. For some people, they don’t need that. I know that I absolutely need that and I spent a lot of time trying to talk myself out of that perspective and shaming myself for not just being able to accept it. It’s hard to validate our needs in a relationship, especially in the context where “everything feels fine.” except for this REALLYBIG thing.

I also spent a lot of time thinking things like, “hmm, if I just do this or that differently. If I wasn’t so xyz demanding. If I wasn’t so emotional. If if if…” which ended up with me just feeling resentful of him and also myself.

I would echo sentiments of talking to someone with some schooling behind them about it. I think it speaks a lot that you are identifying this, and clearly concerned, via posting it for feedback.

you’re amazing. don’t forget it.