Hi Anita. Thank you so much for taking the time to find a post from years ago. It was very informative. and I appreciate it. Some TG people are so certain that their soul is in the wrong type of body that they have to take hormones and have surgical procedures in order calm their emotional turmoil. I’m not at that point and I may never be. I’m somewhere in the middle. I don’t feel totally male nor totally female although I prefer female clothing. Some days my masculine side is a little more dominant and other days my feminine side is more dominant. That used to bother me a lot; the uncertainty of what that makes me. I’ve been able to take a more “go with the flow” attitude the last few years which has eased the pressure of finding a definitive label.

You mentioned my parents. Yes, my shame was so great that I was terrified of telling them no matter how loving they were. One time my mom gave me the perfect opening and I didn’t take it. I was in my senior year of high school and had only been on 2 dates my entire high school years. It was my low self esteem and social anxiety that was the reason but she sat me down one day, and in a very calm voice, asked me if I was gay. I told her I wasn’t (which is true) but instead of taking the opening to tell her my secret, I froze and changed the subject. I always regret that because I know that letting it out then would have been so helpful to me. With their help I could have avoided many more years of guilt and shame.

I know exactly what you mean about mental hijacking. If my mind wanders, many times it will automatically start reliving painful experiences (I was teased and bullied in school a lot) and then it will replay this experience over and over until something gets my attention. Thats where I’m hoping this book is really going to help. I glad its helping you also. Take care.
Jim/Jamie