Hi Antonio

As someone who is probably quite a lot older than you, I won’t attempt to tell you what to do, but just try to give you a bit of perspective.

I, and a number of other friends (both male and female) were faced with a similar dilemma when we were younger. I come from a small community, so quite often opportunities would mean travelling far away. I can honestly say I can’t think of a single case where the person staying put to please their partner ended well. Equally, those who took the opportunities when they were presented all seem to have flourished, some with their partner from years ago, some without.

I think sometimes people use their partner as an excuse to stay in their comfort zone, rather than grabbing that exciting but scary opportunity in a strange place. Others may genuinely try to put their partner’s interest first. Either way, it seems that the long-term effect of this is to gnaw away at the relationship, creating bitterness and frustration. And almost always, it has been the person who they stayed for who has been the one to walk out (saying that “they are not the same person” – well, exactly! They suppressed who they were for you!). In contrast, those who have taken their opportunities have blossomed as individuals.

If one of my children gets a fantastic opportunity, I am genuinely deeply happy and supportive. The effect on me personally might be negative (because I see less of them), but that doesn’t even enter my head. What makes me happiest is seeing them happy, because I truly love them. If I didn’t, and was only focused on my own welfare, how would I react? Maybe I’d try to put them off, make them feel guilty for moving away from me, or for not seeing me so much.

The world of middle-age is littered with sad souls (including me) who suppressed their own desires in order to please someone else. Inevitably, that someone else has taken what they had to offer and moved on, usually to someone who followed their dreams when they were younger. Why? Because those people are more interesting and exciting.

My only other comment would be to consider what will happen when your girlfriend graduates (if you stay). What if she gets an opportunity a long way away? Will she stay for you, because you stayed for her? If she does, you have both suppressed your opportunities for each other, and that’s not a great basis for a long-term relationship. If she goes, how would you feel? Why can she pursue her dreams and not you?

You have spent five years looking for an opportunity and have finally found what you are looking for. Obviously those opportunities are not easy to find. I would expect someone who loves you to be happy for you, and to find a way of dealing with it. The fact that you are having to ask the question suggests to me that you already know deep down what you should do.