Dear James:

I see more than ever before. I see more and more every day. I am getting good at peeling of the BS layers from bare reality- I call it evolving. What made me evolve? It started with my first good psychotherapy in 2011, CBT/Mindfulness/DBT. Lots of healing took place since, lots and lots of hard work, regressions, transgressions, inaccurate projections, distorted thinking, huge blinders, knowing-but-not-knowing (having been disconnected from my emotions- a NECESSARY source of knowing, the kind of knowing necessary for mental health). I worked every day since 2011, every single day, for more than a year, it was my FT job, hours and hours per day.

The seeing MORE is the benefit of this long term, persistent hard work.

Sometimes I get tired and almost look with nostalgia at parts of the past when life was simpler in a way- but I can’t go back, that is the “problem” – I chose a path, a healing path, stayed on it consistently, persistently and I went too far, so far that I can’t go back and take refuge in things of the past, such as believing someone else can save me (pathological but a source of pleasant daydreaming in the past), such as finding comfort in anyone’s company (now I am so selective I find myself more alone than ever) and so forth.

anita