Dear L:

You wrote that the ending of the relationship with this man was “drawn out.’ My understanding is that your ending of the relationship was very distressing to you. Following that drawn out process you cut all contact with him and although it was difficult, it was the best thing you have done for your healing process. You finally felt calm.

Then a … drawn out process started with the birthday wishing and such and now it is back to the Drawn Out process and your distress, not surprisingly, is back.

Go back then to the complete no contact decision- it has PROVEN to be the right choice for you. Don’t let his initiatives and a party in October CONTROL you. You take charge. Write to him that you wish him Happy Birthdays in advance to all his upcoming birthdays and that you do not want him to contact you for any reason, that if you see him in any party or randomly, it will be “Hi” only – or not.

No Contact. End. Finish. Done with. Why waste time with a person just because there WAS something meaningful with that person? There isn’t any more and you are missing on so much you can have with someone else.

anita