Dear amaranth:

Am I getting it correctly as I write the following (let me know): Life seems overwhelming to you. You feel that it is too much for you to handle, that you don’t have the skills, what it takes to make things right, to get what you need. Especially when you are not all there is in your life to take care of: there is a toddler .. and two dogs and a husband on disability.

And you live in a small trailer that would make anyone tense, no matter how skillful. And you live on the land of his parents whom he is not in a good relationship with, parents that did him great disservice as a child and teenager.

And there is not enough money.

This anxiety you are experiencing is a result of all these difficulties AND it makes solving problems and creating better life circumstances very difficult. It is a result of the problems and a cause keeping the problems growing and unresolved.

WHAT TO DO???

Everything in your power to reduce that anxiety in ways that don’t hurt you. Lower your expectations for yourself to the bare minimum. Congratulate you for being able to do the little that you can, good job, pat yourself on the back. Whatever you are doing that is positive is a LOT in comparison to giving up all together and disintegrating.

Part of you is that child, scared, overwhelmed and alone. This feeling like a child in an adult body, without help and guidance. You need another part of you that already exists but needs to be stronger- that is the adult in you. The adult part of you needs to grow stronger and more confident so that the child in you will feel she is not alone, that she can trust on the other part of you.

You do so by taking little steps and congratulating yourself for every single little step. Don’t look at the big picture but the little one step in front of you and do it well. This is Mindfulness- focusing all your attention on every little thing you do- nothing is too small to overlook. Just like you would with a child, just like you hopefully do with your own toddler:

You didn’t expect your own son to walk immediately when he was born and when he started walking you probably congratulated him. And you encouraged him when he fell, not expecting him to get it perfectly- exercising gentleness and patience with him. Same you should practice with yourself: gentleness and patience and empathy.

All of this is of course, easier said than done. But then is there anything at all that is not easier said than done?

Practice it, this gentleness, empathy, patience with yourself in every step you take. CHOOSE the smallest things instead of automatically reacting. Practice this, it will take time to built a strong practice but it will pay off.

Focus on the small stuff and eventually, over time, you will have that house you dream about. When you are mindful of every step you take now, every choice you make, you are NOW working for that house you dream about.

anita