Dear Anne:

Maybe in the future, a year from now, or so, you will see things clearly enough to figure out these things you are trying to figure out now. As is, you are not experiencing the mental clarity that you need, in my evaluation, to evaluate the situation correctly enough. Therefore an apology will be unbaked and not a good idea.

I think you need TIME and distance from him to see clearly what is happening now (see it from a point in the future). If I was you and felt that I have to tell him something, I would say that I am confused and do not see things clearly and need the time and distance to see clearly.

One thing that clouds your view is your own ambivalence about him, wanting him still as a boyfriend at times, that motivation still exists. You didn’t give up on him yet.

anita