I’ve found myself in a complex situation. I will summarize my circumstances to the best of my ability:

-I’m a 23 year old female who just came out as bisexual to a tight knit group of friends and family. I’ve always been curious about my attraction towards girls.
-I’ve had one previous lesbian experience with my best friend, enjoyed it thoroughly and wished to explore my curiosity further.
-Currently in a three-year-long relationship with my boyfriend, most of which has been long distance. We’ve always entertained the idea of bringing another woman into the picture (sexually, not emotionally).
-Recently met and fell for one of his college classmates, who is a girl.

The story is this:

I met this girl a little over a month ago. I was aware of her bisexuality but I myself hadn’t come out at this point in time.
The first night we met, we went out dancing and she kept complimenting me about how attractive I was and proceeded to touch areas of my body. I liked it, a lot. I told her I was into girls that night and that my boyfriend knew (which he did). That was that and I wouldn’t see her again until weeks later.

About a month ago, we met again. We went out dancing and she continued to show her interest in me. At one point, she lead me to the bathroom to “talk”. When we got in there, I told her how much I had been thinking of her ever since our first encounter. She was surprised, pleasantly, by it. I confided in her about the one lesbian experience I had with my best friend earlier this summer. Turns out she had a similar experience. She knew I was in a long-term relationship with a guy in her class but I went for it and we began making out among other things. It was incredible. At the end of that, she told me to add her on Facebook, so I did.

When we first started messaging each other, she made it very clear that this thing between her and I couldn’t continue further, that it had the potential to become messy and people could get hurt. I told her I understood and we continued talking, seeing as how we shared similar experiences in terms of sexual awakenings.

As the days went on, we found more and more things we had in common. It was almost scary at how many parallels we drew from each other’s lives. Thus, we continued messaging each other. The topics of our conversations ranged from our upbringings and favorite activities to sexual desires and experiences. Sometimes, we’d talk from right when we got home until late in the evening/early in the morning (10 hours at a time in some cases). We learned so much about one another in an embarrassingly short amount of time. We were addicted to one another.

During this time, I found the courage to come to terms with my thoughts and feelings I’d been struggling with for so long and came out to my parents and friends. They’ve all been incredibly supportive and understanding. When it came time to tell my boyfriend, he seemed all but neutral and didn’t have much to say. I was hoping for some reassurance and support but showed nothing. I was taken aback.
I also mentioned wanting to hook up with the girl in his class, on my own and not in a threesome like we had talked about before. He said this was fine as long as there wasn’t any emotional attachment involved. That was that.

Up until about a week ago, I decided to visit my boyfriend (and her) before Christmas break began. She and I were incredibly nervous but excited to finally see each other again. We both admitted that being in the same room might create a sizzle, as we’ve both expressed being turned on by the other. I didn’t know what to expect from the weekend.

I will make this part short and sweet. Of the two nights we had met, there was physical contact of varying degrees. The first night we met, we sat next to each other at the table and played footsies with each other. It was wildly arousing.
The following night, my boyfriend, another girl in their class, her and I sat in a hot tub at a friend’s place. As time went by, I said screw it and proceeded to caress her back and legs, hoping she’d reciprocate. She did. It wasn’t as discrete as we thought it was and my boyfriend noticed. The girl eventually got out of the tub and my man looked over to me, disappointed. He said he knew I was curious and that I should probably figure it out. So I went after her.

One thing lead to another and I eventually went back to her place where we had sex. It was the most intimate, euphoric experience I ever had in my life. Having sex with her both brought us to a place where we forgot about everything else. I can’t say enough good things about that experience and being alone with her.

It wasn’t long after that she said she had to delete me from Facebook, that what we did was morally wrong and going to affect the people around us. I had to respect her decision regardless of the feelings we had for one another. The next night, she wrote me a letter explaining how special she thought I was and how she wishes circumstances were different and we hadn’t met as we did (through my boyfriend). She also said I need to see this thing through with him and work things out. She and I haven’t spoken in five days and it’s killing me.

My boyfriend eventually found out about my infidelity and has given me the choice to stay with him, leave him to pursue her or to leave him and explore my sexuality further. I know I messed up and cheated on him (emotionally and physically) and he did nothing to deserve it. He’s been a wonderful boyfriend for the most part but I’ve been feeling like something is missing from my life. I felt like being with her made me want to open up and express my emotions and desires. I want that so badly: the emotional connection as well as the intimacy.

I suppose in closing, I’m going to break up with my boyfriend because I know I hurt him and he deserves someone who will be faithful and honest with him. He has long-term goals in life and I am still lost at sea. I guess deep down, my heart is longing for her but my head says I can’t have her, given our situation. I know I need to give myself time for things to unfold…

She said in the letter that she hopes this isn’t final and that we can start on the right foot further down the road. She set this boundary between us and as much as I want to reach out to her, I feel like if I did, I’d be crossing a boundary and just push her further away.

This was a longer story than I wanted to be but there it is. I know what my next step is (to end things with my boyfriend), but I guess my question is… is it wrong to want to pursue a relationship with this girl? The feelings are there on both sides. Am I just setting myself up for heartbreak?

Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

Much love! x