Dear ridiredhood:

If you have a loving relationship with a person, with Rin, then you will be… dragging him “into the mess” that is, into your depression and body images issues while at the same time he will be dragging you into his mess. This… dragging is part of a loving relationship. It is a mutual mess, really. And you learn to comfort each other and help each other heal from the various messes.

If Rin is good enough to do that, to accept your mess and share his own, honestly, responsibly,respectfully, and he is good enough to help you and let you help him, then he is beyond good enough, he is the best!

Your mother does not think he is good enough for you although she doesn’t know him. Does she think she was and is a good enough mother to you? Do you?

As to your questions about whether or not to carry on this relationship, this is my answer: if you agree with your mother,that is that he is not good enough for you, if you respect her opinion, her values (of what makes one good enough, as a partner or a mother…), then do not carry on with the relationship. If you do, you will be hurting him and that will be wrong. Plus, why would you carry on a relationship with someone you believe- at any capacity- not being good enough for you?

Consider your own values: what do you consider good enough for you, as a boyfriend, a best friend… Please post again, and we can continue to “talk”-

anita