Dear Ladybug:

I think it will be a very good idea to kindly tell your mother that you need her to no longer suggest to your father that he hangs out with you, to no longer apply pressure on him of any kind to connect with you. I hope you trust her to respect this assertion, if you so choose to assert it. This way, you will have one less possibility to ponder regarding his motivation.

Actually, why not tell him, that you asked that of your mother and that you accept, or willing to accept the reality of his lack of motivation to see you, that you are willing to accept his priorities (TV, computer, whatever) as they are… simply because when we accept what is real, when we stop fighting what we can’t change, we get healthier.

Your father is set in his ways. It is about no longer taking it personally. Of course not taking it personally is easier said then done, but it is doable, over time.

Please post again…

anita