Hm. I dont believe she is trying to hurt you, but I come from an interesting background so I’ll explain why I feel this way.

I was brought up in a family where omitting any detail of my life was considered “lying”, so in my relationships, I am very honest about all of my interactions. It’s never to hurt someone, it’s more because I want them to know what I’m doing and that they can trust I will always tell them what’s going on. In my mind, this would give them absolutely no reason to doubt me or the relationship.

I think work friendships are pretty common. Work days can be long and boring. You said yourself that this guy was a good friend of yours, so you can understand why she might enjoy his company. This doesnt mean she has any romantic feelings for him. She just happens to spend a lot of time with him because he makes the work day go by faster and because he works with her.

The game, to me, just sounds like something she was doing to pass time. She instigated it because it was fun and work can be boring. Nothing more to it than that. The fact that she told you about it in my eyes is not that shes trying to make you jealous, but that she is trying to tell you about her day and the little things that made it fun for her. I dont believe you ever mentioned that you asked her to stop telling you about her interactions with him. If they bothered you so much, that could have been an option. But I dont think it’s fair to hold it against her. She didnt cheat on you. A lot of this is internal anxieties (which i can relate to as I have them often in my relationships too, even when my partner is undeserving).

As for the beginning when she used to use a guy against you…I think she was trying to make you jealous likely because she was insecure in the relationship. In my experience, other people tend to talk about someone else when they want their partner to fight for them. They want their partner to reassure them that there is no one else.

This is just one perspective though. I’m sure there are many! Best way to find out is just to talk to her bluntly. Tell her when she brings other guys into the relationship as a threat, it hurts you.

I hope this works for you. Relationship troubles can be very consuming and hard. You will get through this!