Hi,

I’m going through a situation and I would appreciate someone else’s perspective on it.

There is this person in my extended family and we spend a lot of time together, during weekends and such. I generally like him, although I feel he is a kind of a know-it-all and likes to say mean things from time to time.

Today we were debating social services and removing children from their family for the sole reason of spanking, me being of an opinion that spanking alone, although illegal in some countries and obviously detrimental to a child’s development, is less traumatic then ripping a child from an otherwise happy home, from their siblings and rest of the family. We went back and forth exchanging arguments and then he tells me: “I think it’s wrong of you to defend child abusers. If you plan on beating your children, you are in the wrong country.”
I am currently pregnant with my first child and one of my biggest fears is that I in some way will not be a good parent or hurt my child through my actions, in any way. Spanking is contrary to my beliefs regarding child rearing and the thought that I would ever have it in me to touch my child in anger scares me deeply.

The comment really hurt.. and made me angry. I told him that it’s not ok to attack me personally like that and he brushed that off with a flippant comment.
I left others to continue the conversation and I.. Unfortunately, I dwelled on it.
A while later, I guess he could tell that I was upset, so he apologized and it was one of those “I’m sorry you got mad” apologies, but still. Unfortunately, I was still rather mad so I kind of threw it in his face, basicly telling him again that it’s not ok to launch a personal attack like that on somebody and that I feel like I can’t debate with a person who would do that. All, I guess, on a pissed-off tone and then I stormed off. Aggravating circumstances are that we are in his home and are spending the night.

I feel that I did wrong, I wish I hadn’t taken his comment so personally, I wish I could have controlled my need to lash out. I also feel that I should make ammends.
My first instict is to tell this person how much his comment hurt me and why and say I’m sorry for lashing out.
At the same time, this is not a person I feel safe opening myself to and I still think that what he said was wrong, although I am no longer mad at him.

It is night now and this is weighting on my mind, I am never able to fall asleep with a guilty conscience. Hope the night and the kind souls here will make for good counselors.

Thank you for listening!

• This topic was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Edna.