Dear Kman:

To your last question, at the end of your post above: no, you don’t need to kill that loving feeling for her, not now and not in the future. You need not kill that feeling because feelings cannot be killed.

Feelings, or emotions (same meaning to me here) have messages in them for you to figure out. What is the message behind this or that emotion? The emotion will remain until the message, the valid message has been delivered.

You unfriended her, good choice, a good choice that feels bad. Why does it feel bad? Is the message in the bad feeling: “Unfriending her was the wrong choice. Friend her again, now!” Is that the valid message?

In millions of abusive relationships, marriage relationships, where one spouse is being physically abused by the other, one way physical abuse, he or she stays in the relationship even though leaving is a realistic option. Why does that happen?

It happens because the abused feels bad leaving the other spouse. It feels bad, so the abused figures the message is that he/she should not leave. They figured the message is “Stay!”

Is that a valid message?

Back to you. What is the message in you still feeling love, need, want for her? And feeling anxiety, sadness about unfriending her?

Could the valid message be that you need to love and be loved, that it is a real need in you and that you are afraid it will not happen, and sad that the little of it you experienced with her is over?

Could that be ALL that the fear and sadness are about? Could that be the valid message?

anita