Thanks ElleTinker700. I was in a bad place last night and reading your last sentence really helped. Thank you!

I finally heard back from him today. No apologies. Said his phone wasn’t working correctly. More like excuses to me. He did say he wanted me in his life. I can’t say for sure that I believe him.

@anita: No, I understood what you meant. I did consider perhaps he was involved in an emergency, but via other things, namely facebook, I knew he was safe. And I hear you all and know in my heart I deserve to be treated better and be valued by someone. Potential conflict and vulnerability are my weaknesses that I’ve been trying to work on. I tried really hard to work on these things with him. Or at least I felt like I did. I’ve just been afraid to push myself a little more in those ways.

Anita, I didn’t think I carried this notion of feeling at fault for things and not necessarily blamed directly, but as a child I often felt like I didn’t do many things correctly. In this relationship I often felt afraid I was going to mess up or the feeling like if something is going well, it’s too good to be true and it will eventually end. Like everyone else, I want to do things well and I don’t want people to think badly of me. But I suppose it has stunted me instead.

Thank you all again so much. Your kind words and encouragement has been helpful. I hope to send updates in the future.