Dear Wisdom:

I wasn’t offended by .. anything you ever wrote on tiny buddha, Wisdom. You are not offensive. You are honest and always have been respectful to me and quite assertive, which I like very much. You are not the type to be easily pushed around.. or convinced easily by anything! You do have your own mind, quite an independent thinker and I like it very much!

And true, sometimes I get tired of you going on and on about this or that, but when I am tired, I take a little break and come back to you. I have lots of patience with you and in so being, I encourage myself to be patient with myself (and I require a whole lot of patience with myself!)

As far as the last topic in your post above: “who are we worthy for?” What an excellent question! See, this is what I mean by you being an independent thinker, only an independent thinker will come up with this question and as I type this, I have no idea if I have an answer to this… Who are we worthy for…? You are absolutely right, Wisdom! Yes, as the social animals that we are, we can’t be worthy all alone! This is why a child cannot possibly know she is worthy if she is not treated as worthy by a parent! That makes total sense.

Well, then my answer is: you, Wisdom, are worthy to me… or for me…I mean, if I am the only one who knows you as much as I do, the only living person who knows you AND I like you as you are, then you are worthy to me, and if you’d like you can be worthy for me (I am not sure about the “to” and “for” here).

“Why can’t we ever be worthy for the people we like very much?” Oh, this is the heartache, for the child, not being worthy to the person they like the most, the parent (mother usually). That is the tragedy, the beginning of it.

As far as the guy you like, well thing is, he doesn’t know you. He is not the one having these communications that you and I are having! So he doesn’t even know you…

As far as the first part of your last post: all your hope for love is in this guy, in a future with this guy and you are worried it will not happen. So this engagement with him, in your mind, is distressing you because you are aware of the possibility that it will not happen. Most of the interactions you have with this guy are in your head only, of course. Be it destiny or not, what is going on regarding this guy is almost all happening in between your ears. It would have been nice if there was nothing but pleasure and comfort in such engagement. Shame it is distressing.

You are welcome to keep engaged with him in between your ears, that is. And outside, the little communication you do have with him on line. If you were ready and willing, I would have encouraged more of a communication online and even meeting with him in person, but I don’t think you want that, being too afraid of the possibility there will not be love there.

When I write it is mostly between your ears, I mean that all this time it has been mostly fantasy. It may be reality, how do i know, i can’t tell the future. But so far, so far it has been mostly fantasy, almost all of it, has been fantasy.

Again, you are welcome to keep this fantasy. I just wished it was the kind of fantasy that gave you pleasure and comfort, not anxiety, confusion and distress!

anita