Dear jessforme:

You wrote that your husband is getting a crappy version of yourself… but you are the woman who stood by him when he had a sexually inappropriate interactions with a co worker, fired for it, got in some legal trouble as a result, was on unemployment… you stood by him. Even though it was not the only time he was unfaithful to you, you stood by him. You work and bring in money. You attended a marriage boot camp with him… this is not a crappy version of a wife.

And this un-crappy version of a wife is not a perfect one: you had some sort of an affair with a man following getting into zumba and losing weight.

You don’t like your husband’s current job (irregular hours, no Saturdays, commission only). Your extended family is not a source of support like it used to be. Your father having had a stroke a couple of years ago and your mother is stressed, negative and dominating in conversations. You don’t like his family in Honduras and feel guilty about it. Having sex with your husband has become a chore and you are relieved when it is done.

You certainly have done your best and are trying so very hard to hold on to a positive attitude and to put your children first. I do very much respect you for that!

The easy topic, as I see it, is his family in Honduras: I think your guilty feelings about not liking them should be thrown out (if you could) because feelings are automatic. We don’t choose how we feel, so there really shouldn’t be guilt for what we feel… and that includes your feeling about sex with him being a chore. No guilt for feelings, please. Also pretty easy: good idea to keep your distance from your sister and her drama and from anyone who drains you.

Reading the second part of your “PS” that you didn’t post on the other thread, I see that you are very stressed, simply very stressed. You don’t have the unwinding, relaxing time that you need. I suppose this is why you are thinking about being medicated. You work outside the home, take care of two kids, have a distressing extended family (parents, sister..), no support system; your husband’s job with its hours, lack of predictability of income and hours is distressing and the walls are closing on you. No wonder you have no sexual desire: like an animal in a cage, you are struggling for air…

What happened to Zumba by the way, and how can you unwind in a way that will be good for you and not harm your kids..?

anita