Dear anxiousangel:

I didn’t read your long post yet, this morning. I re-read all the other posts before it. What caught my eye more so on this reading than before are two things:

1) You wrote: “Wen i used to come home during holidays to home.The discomforted relationships..the shortages at Home disturbed my own inner energies. I lived my life in a diffetent constructed reality wen i was away frm home.” This is making me think that what happened at Home was very important and I have no details of it yet, the actual interactions there, the relationships. What happened at home has to be more than the socio-economic status of home, some disconnect, rejection of you… I have no details yet.

2) You wrote that it was not any particular goal you focused on. What you focused on in relation to a goal is whether you were worthy of the goal. And so, I am thinking, it was always about you as a Potential, you as a Promise that is waiting to be actualized. A Potential, a Promise. Stuck in being that, waiting for a validation of sorts to proceed from a Potential and a Promise forward.

Next I will read your long post.

anita