Dear anxiousangel/ Story, Part One:

I will quote every part of your story I believe is very meaningful to my understanding, not including repetitions. And if I have something to say, I will comment on the quote outside the quotation mark (“) In my comments I will include my understanding, right or wrong, of your posts before the story. I will do this for the first part of the story on this post, then the second part of your story, on a following post, and so forth. When done with the story, I will write a Conclusion type post to you. This way I will be studying your story. Please don’t post again until that Conclusion Post.

“there was this 4 year old kid…born in a family…oblivious to the outside world…
sent to the best school in town…
elated he was as this world seemed beautful and spacious and more comforting..
…home wasnt an inspirational place…with grandpa as the sole earner..” (Home was not beautiful, spacious or comforting, there was distress there and a lot of the expressed distress in the home was about lack of money or money worries)

but those summer breaks in village…(the outside world seemed beautiful in comparison to Home and the gap was painfully evident)
…when he was 9, e discovered the presence of appreciation and praise. he waned that praise frm everywhere…
…but i guess was nvr hard working
…Being academically sound brought him social acceptance,praise and a proud identity and would say may be branded as hope of the family, a bright child..ha ha (The hope of the family was that he achieves a social and economic status and success which is the highest value in the Home)
… parents of freinds ask those questions…what does your father do??? where do you live….??..do you own a house or…
(The value of social and economic status and success is not only at Home but outside)
… (unclear to me)…then she gave a condescending and insulting look to the child…oh no…the child felt devastated…his world of appreciation had taken a hit..(Appreciation is seen exclusively as social and economic status)
he qualified all criterias…of a student…a friend..a good person…still society rates you on your background…
he lost out and hedecided he wud never lose again…for something which isnt his fault…

“going to hi fi skool meant richer friends and hi fi frend parents…
but he was never unsure of his coping abilities…if the competition didn’t entail background… (He lost in the background competition before. But he can’t change background, completely powerless over it, so he copes by lying about the background)
by this time he was in his teenage…and the beautiful girl of his dreams some how fell for him…life felt blissful…and lost in her eyes..suddenly my self respect grew up…she likes MEE… (Maybe the first time for a long, long time when he gets appreciation for Himself, not for his (lied about) background)
but it also had a tinch of ego…’if she could fall for me”, anyone can… (The insult of the past lack of appreciation gave birth to an ambition to get more and MORE appreciation…)
wrote letters and poems to each other…he realised then…expressing something feels nice.. (authentically expressing himself)
… he wworked hard with his love running in background…and frends in place..natures forces helped him….and he got it..(Patna)
…mom use to say…bua is rich…we loved her arrival…she brought clothes and sweets… and wen she came there was always good food at home.. now here he had to built a new identity…(the value at Home, again, money)
being smart he knew….what information can he manage and not spill the beans… a new place meant can form identity from a scratch…specially the background
meeting here with the same questions…he was ready this time..my father works in a goods insurance company…NIC.i own a house…
(Lying/ managing information)

Next: Story/ part Two

anita