Thanks for your kind words, Anita. Not even the people I considered most close in my life did that much. Either they send a bunch of ” 🙁 🙁 ” smileys along with “I don’t know what to say”, or just tell me “nothing is as important as your studies, so just study, study, study”. Never mind that they did not listen to anything I had to say for 4 years… or I’d never have to see this phase in my career.

I’m not saying this for attention seeking or sympathy but I have nowhere else to express myself. I’m not even asking Jerry to reciprocate my feelings right now. Can worry about all that later, but why did she have to block me and treat me as though I did something criminal? She did it even before we had that fight. I know she was shocked to discover my feelings but its not like I meant any harm to her ever. I had refrained from telling her just because I didn’t want to hurt her. Every single living moment our happy memories are piercing my heart like fiery knives and I feel like ripping out my heart and throwing it away, death would be far better than a life like this. I just don’t wish to live anymore. I feel like running away from home and drowning myself, or doing whatever possible to ensure I don’t wake up alive and endure this pain more. But I’m a coward… can’t even do that. I have nothing left but lock myself in my room and cry my heart out thinking of my sweetie. I know I deserve this for treating her badly.